The first is the foot-in-the-door technique, in which someone starts with a small and reasonable request—like, do you have the time? The door-in-the-face technique is the opposite—it involves someone making a big request, having it rejected, then making a smaller one, Olson explains.
Someone doing contract work, for example, may ask you for a large sum of money up front, and then after you decline, will ask for a smaller amount, he says. This works because, following the larger request, the smaller appeal seems reasonable comparatively, Olson says. A good support group can help, too, says Stines. They are conditioned to think the interactions are normal.
Someone needs to help them break out of that assumption. For other forms of manipulation, Stines suggests trying to not allow the manipulative behavior to affect you personally.
Often, establishing boundaries can play an important role in keeping manipulation at bay. Manipulators often have either boundaries that are too rigid or enmeshed boundaries. Fair deal. The lady from the above text tries to make me feel guilty for not having taken her out of the country. The pity play is a special technique of guilt-tripping where the perpetrator paints himself as either hopelessly helpless, or as a victim. A beggar who is doing his best to look hungry and desperate is using pity plays.
Pity plays are more effective when they are combined with guilt-tripping, as the guilt-tripping pity play says:. Pity plays are effective as manipulations of last resort. When you have absolutely no more leverage, you can go for a pity play. Pity plays, as most other manipulations, can be used for potentially good causes.
But you need to watch out, as they can also be instrumentalized to frame an opponent as barbaric:. But those same strong emotions can be manipulated for less-ideal causes. The scarlet letter is an example of moralist shaming. The scarlet letter is an example of sexual moralizing, and sexual mores are some of the biggest targets for moralists. It goes both ways, of course. Personal information is highly valuable in social exchanges.
Personal information potentially empowers the receiver of the information, and puts the information giver in a potentially vulnerable position. It also increases trust and, potentially, increases bond and connection. Thus, because of the exchange nature of social relations, giving potentially valuable information begets the ability to receive valuable information.
Or, at least, it puts pressure on the target to disclose valuable information because of the law of reciprocity. The manipulator abuses the social exchange system by sharing either dud or unrequested personal information that puts pressure on the target to share their own valuable information. Alternatively, if the manipulator has a clear objective, he can share unrequested personal information, and then directly ask for the juicy information they wanted tit-for-that self-disclosure.
Prosocial feints encourage others to adhere to a set of prosocial rule that limit their personal fredom or impairs their life effectiveness, while the manipulator himself either defects on those rules, or enjoys more power because people follow those rules.
Prosocial feints are based on the dichotomy between group collaboration and selfish defection. Such as, if everyone were prosocial, everyone would gain. But if the manipulator could convince others to be prosocial while he surreptitiously defects, he enjoys far bigger gains. In all of these cases, the prosocial feinter also gains social points by looking selfless and prosocial.
I was disgusted when I received that automated email from Nel Patel, pretending he personally asked about me. Owners gain when the individuals are selfless and self-sacrificing individuals, while the individuals gain when they retain their independence together with a healthy self-interest. A colony of ants working for the gains of the queen owners.
The dream of every business leader be my guest. The teamwork mantra is an attempt at manipulating individuals into giving up their self-interest. Easy for Dalio, since he owns the whole. So owners seek to make employees disposable while manipulating them into feeling special and as part of a special family. When employees feel like part of a big family, the owners can get more out of them, for less money for more on intrinsic motivation see Pink, Group leaders seek to manipulate the individuals into giving up their self-identities to fuse with with the group idendity.
Selfless individuals who identify with the team will readily die for that team -and for the leader-. And that empowers the leader -while disempowering the individuals-.
And to see this manipulation from the point of view leaders , see:. Simple: as the leaders of those groups they gain the most if everyone gives up personal power to empower the group.
But it might not be the same for the individual. Stay especially away from fanatical group leaders. As a rule of thumb, the more fanatical and intense a leader is, the more he wants you to give up your personal power for his own power. The purist manipulator picks an enemy and puts on an act of being angry, shocked, or indignant to look better by comparison, and to gain personal power by leading the masses of disenfranchised.
Last Updated: June 8, References. To create this article, 62 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 1,, times. Learn more Manipulating others is a way to get what you want, [1] X Research source whether it is tricking your boss into giving you a raise or getting your partner to whisk you away on a romantic vacation.
Many believe this way to be immoral, and wrong. Whatever your reason for manipulating someone, play your cards right and hone your manipulation skills. Try out a variety of manipulation techniques, and learn how to manipulate people in a variety of situations.
If you want to learn how to manipulate others faster than you can shed a fake tear, then follow these steps. If you want to manipulate people to get what you want, be charismatic and confident since people are more likely to give in to someone with these characteristics. To exude charisma and confidence, make eye contact when talking to people, smile more, and ask people questions about themselves. When you want someone to do something for you, first ask them an unreasonable request followed by your actual request, which will then sound more appealing.
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No account yet? Create an account. Edit this Article. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Cookie Settings. Learn why people trust wikiHow. Download Article Explore this Article methods. Tips and Warnings. Related Articles. Article Summary. Method 1. Take an acting class. A big part of manipulation is learning how to master your emotions and make other people receptive to your contrived feelings.
If you want to know how to appear more distressed than you really are, or to use a variety of other emotional techniques to get your way, then taking an acting class is a perfect way to improve your powers of persuasion. Otherwise they may grow suspicious of your tactics instead of believing you. Take a debate or public speaking class. While acting classes can help you master your emotions and convince others to let you have what you want, taking a debate or public speaking class will help you learn how to convince people.
Establish similarities. You can do this by method called 'pacing', where you can mirror their body language, your intonation pattern and so on. Being emotional may not work in a professional setting. Be charismatic. Charismatic people have a natural tendency to get what they want. If you want to manipulate people, then you need to work your charisma. You should be able to smile and light up a room, have approachable body language to make people want to talk to you. You should also be able to hold up a conversation with absolutely anyone, from your nine-year-old cousin to your history teacher.
Here are some other ways to be charismatic: Make people feel special. Make eye contact when you talk to them, and ask them about their feelings and interests. Exude confidence. Charismatic people love who they are and what they do.
And if you have faith in yourself, then people will be much more likely to take you seriously and to give in to your needs. Be confident. When you say something, whether it's true or just another creation, do it with confidence. Try to be glib while speaking out with your subject. Learn from the masters. If you have a friend, family member, or even an enemy who is a master manipulator, you should study this person and even take notes. See how they always manage to get what they want. This will give you new insight into how to manipulate people, even if you end up getting tricked in the process.
Learn to read people. Every person has a different emotional and psychological makeup and is, therefore, manipulated for different reasons. Before you start plotting your latest manipulation scheme, take the time to study the person you want to manipulate. Understand what makes him tick and see the best approach for getting this person to bend to your needs. Here are some different things you may find when you read people: [3] X Research source Many people are susceptible to emotional responses.
These people are emotional themselves, cry at movies, love puppies, and have strong powers of sympathy and empathy. Other people have a strong guilt reflex. Some people were raised in a restrictive household, where they were punished for doing every little thing wrong and now go through life feeling guilty about everything they do. With these people, the answer is obvious—make them feel guilty for not giving you what you want until they give in.
Some people are more receptive to the rational approach. Method 2. Follow an unreasonable request by a more reasonable one. This is time-tested tactic for getting what you really want.
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